


Like And Not Family

by Miss_Macabre_Grey



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28798809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Macabre_Grey/pseuds/Miss_Macabre_Grey
Summary: “You know, you three are like family to me. It’s sorta weird because even as family it’s different for each of you. Gon is like a son to me, and, even though they’re the same age, Killua is like an annoying little brother.”“Oh? So where does that leave me in this ‘family’ you view in us?”
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	Like And Not Family

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t mean for this to happen. I had an invasive thought for dialogue that I meant to send my friend (the dialogue of the summary), but when I went to give it context, it grew 2700 extra words! I cranked this sucker out so fast; it feels nice to have a postable fic after awhile.

Kurapika felt light. His heart finally felt at ease enough to laugh along Leorio. Unusual, but wonderful. Kurapika cherished the feeling as his cheeks began to hurt from spreading so wide. And Leorio. Leorio looked completely natural at smiling, like his face always carried that weightless, beaming grin. Kurapika knew better, of course. Knew that most nights Leorio spread himself thin studying both medical text and nen techniques. And unlike Kurapika, Leorio was not taking the fast way out. He would make no death vow nor take reckless fights. Leorio held himself to a higher standard than that; he would make sure to do what he could to live a long and full life in order to spend that entire life dedicated to helping others.

How entirely different to Kurapika. So painfully opposite in their driving goals and motivations, Kurapika found himself unworthy to sit beside the man. Leorio was supposed to be a scoundrel: greedy and boorish and perverted and judgmental. To some expect Leorio had those qualities, and even they came from pure places. Leorio’s absolute worst traits, at their roots, stemmed from a desire to protect people, demand respect for living beings, and act for the good of others. Even if Kurapika took those flaws at their worst, did they at all compare to Kurapika’s own sins?

Kurapika’s heart tightened as it often did thinking about Leorio, and he sighed. As soon as the breath left his lips, Kurapika noticed a pressure on his cheek from Leorio poking him.

On reflex, Kurapika swatted the arm away and scoffed. “Can you please keep your hands to yourself?”

Leorio pouted with his eyes downturned and his cheeks pink from booze. “Yeah but now you went and all gloommmy. I miss your laugh. Did I say something wrong?” Leorio’s pout changed to an expression of concern, eyes looking straight at Kurapika. Leorio should not feel sympathy or compassion for Kurapika in general, let alone for doing something as trivial as “bringing down the mood.” Leorio even went and questioned himself when it was Kurapika’s own tainted mind that brought their jovial moment to a halt. Kurapika had to assuage Leorio’s feelings, but he had no idea how to bring himself back into that weightless feeling.

“N-not at al!” Kurapika denied and turned to his drink as an excuse to not look at Leorio anymore. In an instant, his half-full glass of bourbon disappeared.

“Whoa, now! Pace yourself. You ain’t even of age yet.”

“And who’s fault is it that I have it at all?” Kurapika rolled his eyes and resisted reaching for the bottle to refill his glass.

“Yeah, well, I figured you’d sip at it a bit more slowly.” Leorio reached out a hand and placed it on Kurapika’s shoulder. The warmth of the touch spread throughout Kurapika’s body more than the burn of liquor. “Seriously, you alright?”

“I . . .” any ability Kurapika had to lie or bury the truth died when he looked back at Leorio’s painfully honest eyes. “I’m bringing down the mood. This is supposed to be a nice night for you. Pardon me for intruding.”

The hand on Kurapika’s shoulder slipped down to his own hand before Kurapika could even think of getting up to leave. Leorio rested his forehead on Kurapika’s forehead instead and sighed for himself. “Stay. You’re maybe not that tipsy, but you ain’t sober, and I’ll miss you if you leave. We don’t have to pretend to celebrate my exams being over, I don’t care much about that. So just. Stay.”

Kurapika clenched and unclenched his right hand and panicked. “I can’t.”

A pause in the room. No one moved or said anything else for a handful of seconds that felt too long. After they both remembered how to breathe, Leorio only seemed to hold onto his hand even tighter. “I know.” Kurapika almost asked for clarification, but Leorio brought it upon himself to continue, “You’re . . .busy. I’m a distraction, and I’m happy you visited at all, I am. I guess you suddenly remembered you have somewhere else to be. I get it. Thanks for stopping by at all, Kurapika.”

“No, you don’t understand, that’s not - “ Kurapika realized his hair bristled and caught himself getting wound up. “That’s not it, Leorio,” he said, with a softness he reserved only for Leorio, it seemed. “I bring you down. You’re . . . too good. You’re doing so well, at everything you’ve been doing, and everything you do is for good. So I,” Kurapika offers a small hand roll in lieu of more words.

“So you what? You feel ‘bad’ now?” Leorio lifted his face up, letting Kurapika see the full weight of seriousness in his eyes. “Dude, I’m only making it this far because of you and Gon and Killua. Everything I do it’s. It’s not even a fraction of all the stuff you’ve accomplished. I’m seriously just trying to impress you guys and put you back for everything. I haven’t don’t shit that’s good.”

“That’s not true!” Kurapika’s voice raised without him wanting it to. “That’s. . . not true,” he repeated, softer once more. “You’re good. I’m telling you. I only made it this far because of you three, as well. I am both ashamed and prideful of that fact. Even past the physical help at Yorknew, you’ve also helped me emotionally. Reminded me there’s more to people than secret monsters and fiends.”

“Well, that’s fine and all, but that doesn’t mean I’ve _done_ anything. Anything at all that I’m _trying_ to do pales compared to you three.” Leorio takes in a deep breath and exhales, “And I’m okay with that. I’m working on it. I’ll master nen and be the best damn doctor in the world. Next time you do something stupid, I’ll be there to heal you. Someone like Gon at his worst condition . . . I want to be the one who can help. But I’m not there yet. I’m not. So, Kurapika, just.” Their hands never let go of each other, and Leorio only squeezed it tighter. “Stay.”

Kurapika opened his mouth, but closed it. He understood where Leorio came from, reminded Leorio himself that he was far weaker than the rest of their little Hunter team when danger called, but Leorio did not _understand_. Did not understand Kurapika nor himself about how truly good he was, maybe even more so than children like Killua and Gon. But if he made Leorio feel happy, or content, then perhaps . . . that meant the “good” choice would be to stay. Kurapika relaxed his muscles slowly, but he knew Leorio could sense the tension start to leave as he rested himself back onto the back of Leorio’s couch.

“You make me happy, when we’re together.”

“That’s good,” Leorio smiled as he spoke, then proceeded to take another swig of his bourbon. “That’s great, honestly. You make me happy, too. You know, I love you, right?” Kurapika had no moment to register words in their entirety, let alone respond, before Leorio kept going. “You, Gon, Killua, I love you guys. You’re my family, I think, even if it's all a little scrambled.”

Kurapika’s nerves tingled with something he could not place, but he hated something about Leorio’s confession he could not place. “Family? Leorio, I can’t . . . return the sentiment. My family is gone. Massacred, and I can’t replace them. I do care for you but . . . Thank you for the love,” his last bit almost came as a question.

Kurapika had no idea how to respond to Leorio, or if he was even supposed to respond at all. True, he hated the idea of family when rooted in the idea of anyone but his clan. The sentiment would feel almost offensive if anyone else but Leorio, who said it with understanding and no pressure on Kurapika, said it. Yet even though he voiced honest concerns with his reply, Kurapika felt like he was lying about what was really so _off_ about Leorio’s confession.

Leorio’s eyes widened and he sputtered for a way to save face. “N-no, it’s. It’s different than family like that! But, I mean, I feel close. Like I’d tell you three anything. I’m not saying you have to see me as family, just that I feel close to you! It’s like,” Leorio finished off his drink and plopped the glass back down on the table. “Even the three of you I see differently. Gon is, well, is it weird to say after punching Ging I consider Gon like a son to me? And Killua’s the same age, but even he’s different. Killua’s more like an annoying but cool little brother.”

Kurapika found himself smiling again at how animatedly Leorio described his compassion for others, how sweet his eyes glowed when he mentioned Gon and Killua. Just like that, Leorio’s talking rose Kurapika’s spirits with his passion and joy and excitement about others to such an extent that he almost tricked Kurapika into thinking he was worthy to be near him. Then he noticed his own name not included. “So how about me? Where am I in this little family of yours?” Kurapika asked in almost a neutral tone, but true curiosity peaked through.

“O-oh, uh.” Leorio rubbed the back of his head and turned his face to the floor. “You’re different from Gon and Killua, I know that much, but. I know I love you, but it’s different. I don’t know how yet.”

Kurapika squinted at Leorio, his heart beating fast despite Leorio usually soothing him. “Different, but you love me. It’s okay to see me as a friend, Leorio. You don’t have to think of me as family.” The uneasiness Kurapika felt from Leorio’s first confession of how he felt amplified.

“That can’t be it. I have other friends I care about. I . . . _love_ you. It’s different with you. You’re like family. But different than a son- or brother-figure.”

The beating of his heart almost jumped it from his chest. Kurapika had to close his eyes and shake his head to get any cool down from Leorio’s words. With every “I love you” in his direction, Kurapika felt out of control and unwell, but also totally engrossed and attached to Leorio. “Different . . .” Kurapika murmured, staring at Leorio’s profile, pink now from both the alcohol and what Kurapika assumed was embarrassment. “You . . . love me . . . like a . . .” Kurapika swallowed his saliva, but he still felt like he was choking on his words, “lover, perhaps?”

The reaction was immediate. Leorio shot upright and his face changed from pink to red. His mouth hung open as he tensed. For the first time since he latched into Kurapika, Leorio swiped away his hand and curled his fists at his side. “N-I-no-wait-no-I!” Leorio garbled out without coherency. “I don’t know!” Leorio announced after throwing his hands up. Then he looked away from Kurapika for a moment, only to glance back, to then glance away again. “Maybe?” he settled on, looking at Kurapika as if Kurapika could confirm or deny his own feelings.

Leorio himself took a moment to swallow and close his eyes. He kept them closed, and without needing to see, found Kurapika’s hand to place them together again. When he opened his eyes again, the flushed expression disappeared, and he smiled, so warm and kind Kurapika knew his answer. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s like that then. I love you . . . romantically. Is that okay? I said I don’t need my feelings returned before, already, but, that was before, but, uh, I, it’s still valid! You don’t have to retur-“ Kurapika placed a finger on Leorio’s lips, his chains rattling as he moved his hand like a windchime.

“It’s more than okay to love me like that, I don’t mind, and I won’t ever change how I feel about you. However,” Kurapika felt his own face heat, “I don’t know how I feel about you, either. I know I . . . love you . . . too. And it’s not . . . like family. Or friendship . . . I . . .” 

Leorio leaned in. Or maybe it was Kurapika. And soon their hands were not the only part touching, and Kurapika felt warmth spread over his face as he felt Leorio’s cool lips on his own. “Does that help?” Leorio asked, quietly, terrified of the answer.

“No, it doesn’t, I - Leorio, I told you I don’t . . . deserve you. To be near you.”

Leorio bristled. In a movement Kurapika should have been able to stop, Leorio lifted Kurapika’s face by his chin so they could only see each other. “Screw that okay? Damn your feelings of guilt and fake unworthiness away because you’re literally the coolest guy I know. What do you feel about _me_ , not yourself?”

“I . . .” Kurapika bit his lower lip and sighed. “I love you back. But I can’t - ” Kurapika felt Leorio put a finger on his lips, and Kurapika realized how frustrating that silencing technique truly was, even if it was effective.

“Don’t think about what you can’t do, about me or your holdups for a second. It’s nice to get this out there, y’know? You’re busy. And you have stuff going on. And all that stuff makes you feel like we can’t even be friends, let alone, uh, more, but . . . forget about that. I understand. I’m not asking you to be with me romantically or devote yourself to me. I just, well, I want you to stay, when you can. And I want you to feel open around me. I love you. So. That’s all I want. For you to not deny your feelings, even if you don’t act on them.”

“But you deserve so much more, so much better,” Kurapika found himself saying.

“Do I? Well, then I don’t care! I love you, and that’s all there is to say on this. Don’t you get that you _are_ the better part of my life? Screw you for thinking I deserve ‘better’!”

“Scr- what does that mean?! You think you get to boss my feelings around because you figured out you love me ten seconds before I realized I love you?!”

“It was way longer than ten seconds! It was at least a minute!”

“That’s not even the important part! You wouldn’t even have noticed if I didn’t whisper it in your head!”

“But I’m the one who figured it out and agreed, so I love you and that’s that!”

Kurapika let out an exasperated shrill. If all his softness stayed reserved for Leorio, all his frustration and pettiness also resided in the same “Leorio Only” section of his heart. “Well, _fine_ then! See if I care if you get lonely at night when I’m not here because I’m busy hunting Spiders. Or that you’ll get a max of two kisses a month. Or-or whatever else couples do!”

“You’ll see me caring a damn lot then because that’s already way more than I’m currently getting, and I would love to be a couple with you even if you’re busy!”

“Then I guess we’ll be a stupid couple, whatever! I love you, too, and you’re just going to have to deal with that!”

“Fine! That sounds great to me!” Leorio shouted, heated and passionate only for his fury to knock off his face the moment they stared at each other for longer than a second. In an instant, Leorio clutched his stomach and roared with laughter. The sound wormed its way into Kurapika’s good graces, and he found himself laughing right along with him, leaning on Leorio openly while he tried to catch his breath and collect himself.

Neither knew how long it took for them to cool down, but once they did, Kurapika was lounging on Leorio, who was lounging on his sofa, both bright-eyes and wide-smiled.

“I love you, Kurapika. You’ll really go out with me, even if it’s probably going to be pretty rough and hectic? From me, too. The moment I get my grades in, I’m back to constant nen battle training.”

“I can handle that. I will go out with you. I can’t give this up entirely, even if your safety and well-being scare me, hearing your heartbeat like this soothes me right back,” Kurapika confessed as he shifted himself on Leorio so that his head lay on Leorio’s chest. “And if I really start to worry? I’ll just train you myself to be stronger.”

Leorio grimaced at the offer, no doubt already certain Kurapika would train him down to the bone. “Looks like we already have our dates planned,” Leorio joked as he wrapped his arms around Kurapika. The embrace embodied strength Kurapika would normally never expect from Leorio, something secure and meaningful. In that moment, possibly in future moments where they repeat the position, Kurapika felt safe, and that was worth almost everything to him. Kurapika’s heart felt lighter than it had in years, even lighter than the start of their night filled with jokes and laughter. Judging from Leorio’s heartbeat, Kurapika realized the other man truly felt the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, thank you so much for reading! I know it feels like it’s a cut of a story that should be more slow burn, but that’s what the manga is for, I guess. This was about them being losers and the fact it feels honestly so nice to write the sentence “I love you” so many times in a short span without it feeling too fluffy or out of place. My heart got a little happier every time one of them said it in different ways, so I hope the lightness goes to you.
> 
> Love,  
> Grey


End file.
